Snooki In Wonderland: The Improved Classic by Phil Edwards & Lewis Carroll & John Tenniel

Author:Phil Edwards & Lewis Carroll & John Tenniel [Edwards, Phil]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Harrison-Mills Media
Published: 2011-02-19T05:00:00+00:00

"Twinkle, twinkle, dear grenade!

How you sip that haterade!"

You know the song, perhaps?'

'I've heard something like it,' said Snooki.

'It goes on, you know,' The Situation continued, 'in this way:—

"Up in the club you blow,

Like a played to death hippo.

Twinkle, twinkle—"'

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle—' and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop...

'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said The Situation, 'when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his head!"'

'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Snooki.

'And ever since that,' The Situation went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'

A bright idea came into Snooki's head. 'Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.

'Yes, that's it,' said The Situation with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'

'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Snooki.

'Exactly so,' said The Situation: 'as the things get used up.'

'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Snooki ventured to ask.

'Suppose we change the subject,' the March of Gelled Hair interrupted, yawning. 'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'

'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Snooki, rather alarmed at the proposal.

'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once.

The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.'

'Tell us a story!' said the March of Gelled Hair.

'Yes, please do!' pleaded Snooki.

'And be quick about it,' added The Situation, 'or you'll be asleep again before it's done.'

'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well—'

'What did they live on?' said Snooki, who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking.

'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.

'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Snooki gently remarked; 'they'd have been ill.'

'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.'

Snooki tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'

'Take some more SoCo with Lime,' the March of Gelled Hair said to Snooki, very earnestly.

'I've had nothing yet,' Snooki replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't take more.'

'You mean you can't take LESS,' said The Situation: 'it's very easy to take MORE than nothing.'

'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Snooki.

'Who's making personal remarks now?' The Situation asked triumphantly.

Snooki did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to some SoCo With Lime and calamari, and then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question.

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